Nothing but the truth…
For anyone that has been following me on Instagram or Social Media, you must know that I share alot about myself. Beginning of my Instagram account I was clouded by what I wanted to share and what was OK to share. Soon I realized that these boundaries were put by ME and no one else. You often hear people criticize Social Media for all the bad influence, materialistic desires it creates in today’s generation, while all that is true I always wanted to be that person that stood up for something more than my style, bags, shoes or things. Once I came to this realization I began writing with my heart. I decided to put effort and honesty as part of my journey. Somewhere along the lines of writing and sharing I realized that there are a lot of people trying to heal, cope, live and find support. I wanted to share a few ways that helped me heal from my pain and emotional wounds.
Please help me…
I’m not sure if its human nature or if its our ego or maybe we are told to be so strong, that tears are a sign of weakness, or sharing your pain with others makes you less of a person. Whatever it is, it’s all BULLSHIT. Asking for help is the biggest piece of advice I can give. I have been through therapy, YES therapy and no I’m not fucked up, I went to therapy because I was committed to my HEALING process. Although it helped a lot I realized that you need constant support of either good friends or family you can ask for help. My father has been one of my biggest guardians in all aspects of my life. Whenever I need guidance or felt lost, I talked to him. My friends, and I mean my REAL friends. Not the ones you think are your friends, those who truly care about your well being and when you are in pain. I remember going through so much pain during my divorce with my ex-husband, my friends literally would show up at my door to help me through anything and everything. If you have those types of friends or people around you please USE them. Take advantage of the friendship you have spent years building. Find healing from them. HELP is a very simple word yet if we asked for it more often we would heal that much faster.
Knowledge is power
I have been reading since I was young, In fact I read so much that I ended up getting glasses when I was 12. Books are your friends. They will always be by your side. They are your gateway to becoming a knowledgeable, inspirational and motivated individual. They will take you out of your reality and inspire and empower you in ways that will ease the pain and guide you to a better and more optimistic life. A lot of people have reached out to me seeking this very advice of How to find yourself? or How to get out of a situation that you didn’t ask for? and my most common answer has always been; READ. Read books that will help you get through your situation. There are years of experience, guidance, education, literature, facts and stories of people who have been through what you are going through at this very moment. They too have come out of their obstacles stronger and happier. When you read, you come to realize that you are not alone. That mere thought helps you get through your day or that moment. I have read a lot of books, mostly Self help because it speaks to me. Try; the Universe has your back by Gabby Bernstein, The Power of Now, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, NastyGal, Anything by Tony Robbins and my favorites have always been Chicken Noodle Soup.
I discovered my faith maybe 2.5 years ago. I wish the realization came sooner however I’m glad it did. I grew up in a Muslim home. Prayers, Fasting, The Quran was our day to day way of living. My parents are pretty religious and growing up we always had to go to all types of prayers and religious occasions. I was always drilled by my mother about what our religion stands for and all the things we could and couldn’t do. Somewhere while growing up as a Muslim woman I could not get myself to practice my faith. I resented going to the religious gatherings, or made up excuses why I should not go. Although I always believed in my creator I lacked understanding and what FAITH really meant. Life in my teens and early twenties was not the greatest, I suffered in silence, I suffered with verbal abuse with my ex husband, I was depressed. Later I became a single mom of two, lost my job, went through years of court battles with my ex husband yet I was still lost. I could not speak to God, or maybe I wasn’t ready. However due to conditioning I would still ask god for forgiveness and pray whenever my parents asked me to. It was just routine and nothing more.
2.5 years ago a few drastic events shaped my current life and led me to my faith. My very good friend was diagnosed with an auto immune disease at the age of 25. I watched her suffer and almost die. It was the very moment I held my daughters hand while visiting her at the hospital while she lay there in a comma on life support. There was something that happened in that room, in that moment that I could not describe. It changed me forever. Maybe it was seeing death so closely, maybe it was holding my daughters hand so firmly wanting to protect and tell her that she will be okay, maybe it was watching my dear friend who was filled with life lay there so helplessly. The only feeling that made sense in that moment was looking into her fiance’s eyes and telling him “Have Faith, she will be come out of this” Faith was the only thing that kept her alive.
On December 19th 2014, My husband and I went through an extremely rough patch after a year into our marriage. We almost didnt make it. We had been dating for over 5 years and married for only a year and a half and what seemed to be the perfect marriage in my eyes was not the case for him. In seconds my world came crashing down as our marriage shattered. I remember during those times rolling out my prayer mat and crying for hours. At that time I looked at my life and said to myself, WOW, second marriage, two kids, self employed, no savings, no future plan…how the fuck did I get here? I looked up into the sky with tears rolling down my cheeks, stomach felt like someone punched the living shit out of me, lungs filled with smoke, and as crazy as this sounds I heard a voice tell me ” You are worth more, I have a plan for you Huda. Just hold on a bit longer…” And so I did. We worked through it. Now that I look back, it was the best thing that could’ve happened to our relationship. Most of us are uncomfortable sharing our realities for the fear of being judged. I have come to a realization that extra ordinary people, successful people, confident people all have something in common; They are not afraid of being themselves. They are not afraid to tell the world their struggles, their defeats, their hardships. They strive to remain true to who they are.
Those two moments defined my life to a whole new level. It made me realize that having faith in God, Having faith in Love, Having faith in humanity, Having faith in yourself can change the outcome of your life. You are not a slave to your past or your mistakes. Faith has led me to believe in my creator again, led me to start practicing my religion, led me to stop all my bad habits, led me to build a stronger relationship with my husband, led our marriage to capable, enduring and powerful than it has ever been. It’s led me to all the right things and most of all it’s led me here…..led me to this moment where I can sit here 1 am in my bed and smile as I write this post.
To all those who are in between, figuring things out, finding themselves, going though pain and suffering I beg of you to seek within yourself that you will be OKAY, you will SURVIVE, you will be HAPPY again, you will HEAL…from within.
Lots of Love,